I slept late last Friday preparing stuff for my weekend team buildng with WYA peeps. I woke up early and was 2 mins ahead of everyone at our meeting place, was awake for the most part of the trip to Tagaytay and for the rest of the day. This is my high point: being as far away from work as possible. Just thinking about work makes me want to puke. It doesn't really matter whether I drop dead from a day's work from building houses, sneeze all day in an effort to clean our house in the best way possible, suffer from cramps because of excessive swimming or running, stay up late for a paper or because I cannot put down a good book, as long as I am not anywhere near my work. I seem to have energy for almost anything but work.
No more guessing needs to be done, my work, is my low point. I slept earlier last night compared to last Friday and woke up just slightly later than last Saturday morning but I am sleepy still. If I have not been through this before, I would have cried already. I have replayed in mind over and over again the scene of my last day at work, hoping that by doing so, I would be able to pull the days closer, to end my agony here.
So what do you do in cases where in your will seems to be backing out on you?
Hold on still. Keep every little ounce of that struggling will count until such time that it goes out. By that time, something would have happened already. If not the one that you were expecting, then probably the consequence of losing the will. Another bitter pill; another lesson learned, then life goes on.
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Words of Wisdom
12 Jan 2009
Fr. Dave Concepcion's homily
Faith is not a mental gymnastics; its an existential experience.
13 Jan 2009
Ia's blog
It's the nature of hearts to break. It's in their job description. When a heart is doing what it's supposed to be doing, it holds nothing back. And sometimes it gets broken.
While we are postponing our joy for a future time when everything will be perfect, life is going on with or without our consent and we are missing it. People come and go, pain comes and goes. But so does joy. And if our hearts are closed because we don't want to suffer, they won't be open enough to recognize the joy as it flies by.
Not so random thoughts
15 Jan 2009
I cannot stop my heart from beating.. and with that said, I cannot stop myself from loving. sad but that's my reality...
..and I'm begging you heart don't change my mind, oh heart, be strong this time and try, to help me tell him goodbye.
Fr. Dave Concepcion's homily
Faith is not a mental gymnastics; its an existential experience.
13 Jan 2009
Ia's blog
It's the nature of hearts to break. It's in their job description. When a heart is doing what it's supposed to be doing, it holds nothing back. And sometimes it gets broken.
While we are postponing our joy for a future time when everything will be perfect, life is going on with or without our consent and we are missing it. People come and go, pain comes and goes. But so does joy. And if our hearts are closed because we don't want to suffer, they won't be open enough to recognize the joy as it flies by.
Not so random thoughts
15 Jan 2009
I cannot stop my heart from beating.. and with that said, I cannot stop myself from loving. sad but that's my reality...
..and I'm begging you heart don't change my mind, oh heart, be strong this time and try, to help me tell him goodbye.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
What a week!
This was an exciting week. Starting with a great adventure from the beach to a volcano's crater, to laundry, and then death threats, and then saturday run and movie marathon. Who could ask for more?
I am going to stand by my conviction that this is going to be a great year. Great doesnt mean not without the difficulties right? I want to skip the death threat part, it was the most stressful of all. Last friday, I have had to deal with another difficult case. A customer left without funds in Taiwan has had to stay on the line while the approval he is waiting for took three hours to secure.
My week was capped off by a saving grace. I was able to find running mates from my WYA friends and we started the day early, meeting Peejay at 650am, and then with Mike, Tam, and Joel at around 730am. We had our breakfast at Tapa King Katips where we were interviewed by Joy who is doing her thesis on volunteerism. What was spontaneous was how Rica, Peejay, Tam, and I managed to stay until 8pm in the WYA office to watch the newly downloaded movies of Peejay.
The first in line was Be Kind, Rewind, a hilarious movie about how to "swede" films in VHS format. Then we proceeded with Mama Mia! I finally got the chance to finish the movie, and I must say it was cute. Meryll Streep and Pierce Brosnan were really good. We followed it with House Bunny and then the Beach both of which have their own share of stressful moments.
The week was crazy! But I love how it ended. Now I am writing it down. And I am preparing for another crazy one.
I am going to stand by my conviction that this is going to be a great year. Great doesnt mean not without the difficulties right? I want to skip the death threat part, it was the most stressful of all. Last friday, I have had to deal with another difficult case. A customer left without funds in Taiwan has had to stay on the line while the approval he is waiting for took three hours to secure.
My week was capped off by a saving grace. I was able to find running mates from my WYA friends and we started the day early, meeting Peejay at 650am, and then with Mike, Tam, and Joel at around 730am. We had our breakfast at Tapa King Katips where we were interviewed by Joy who is doing her thesis on volunteerism. What was spontaneous was how Rica, Peejay, Tam, and I managed to stay until 8pm in the WYA office to watch the newly downloaded movies of Peejay.
The first in line was Be Kind, Rewind, a hilarious movie about how to "swede" films in VHS format. Then we proceeded with Mama Mia! I finally got the chance to finish the movie, and I must say it was cute. Meryll Streep and Pierce Brosnan were really good. We followed it with House Bunny and then the Beach both of which have their own share of stressful moments.
The week was crazy! But I love how it ended. Now I am writing it down. And I am preparing for another crazy one.
Friday, January 09, 2009
I am intimidated
I am afraid of you. I am overwhelmed by your presence. I am scared of your power over me even if you don't know of it.
I am a strong person and my weaknesses only a few people can see. I don't know how to ask of you to protect me because I want to be protected and taken cared of. I am vulnerable but I guess that's hard to see in me. I don't ask for help and I am so used to doing things my way;if I can ask from you, I would. If I can be vulnerable, I would rather be vulnerable with you.
Which force is more poweful, my will or your charm? I have been trying to test the boundaries of my will but I keep on getting fogged off by your charms.
Okai.. scratch this, I'm over thinking it. And the way it is unfolding, im bound for another heartache. What's more, there are two ways this could end up, both which to my disadvantage: that I over think about it or that I over rely on my emotions, either way I end up getting hurt.
Actually there is a third possibility, one that is less undesirable than the two I've just mentioned and that is I learn to shrug this off and move on. A phase, a phase, just a phase. The more that I write about this, the more that I think. I should probably start thinking of something else.
I am a strong person and my weaknesses only a few people can see. I don't know how to ask of you to protect me because I want to be protected and taken cared of. I am vulnerable but I guess that's hard to see in me. I don't ask for help and I am so used to doing things my way;if I can ask from you, I would. If I can be vulnerable, I would rather be vulnerable with you.
Which force is more poweful, my will or your charm? I have been trying to test the boundaries of my will but I keep on getting fogged off by your charms.
Okai.. scratch this, I'm over thinking it. And the way it is unfolding, im bound for another heartache. What's more, there are two ways this could end up, both which to my disadvantage: that I over think about it or that I over rely on my emotions, either way I end up getting hurt.
Actually there is a third possibility, one that is less undesirable than the two I've just mentioned and that is I learn to shrug this off and move on. A phase, a phase, just a phase. The more that I write about this, the more that I think. I should probably start thinking of something else.
Tuesday, January 06, 2009
I hate and love
I know how it feels to love and not be loved back in return. I have despised that moment in my life: to be vulnerable in the presence of someone without him knowing it is to feel the wrath of the waves as it smashes to the shore; to find a resolve within you to keep yourself distant and aloof and then see how that resolve evaporates with just one smile from him.
I hate that I am falling for him because I cannot let it happen again. Not again. And I would not let it take away my precious heart and leave it to bleed. I need to stay away from him as far as possible.
I love to love him but I need to preserve myself. This is a decision in consideration of self-preservation. I cannot imagine going through the same ordeal so I'd rather tear myself away from him now while I still can with a smile.
I hate that I am falling for him because I cannot let it happen again. Not again. And I would not let it take away my precious heart and leave it to bleed. I need to stay away from him as far as possible.
I love to love him but I need to preserve myself. This is a decision in consideration of self-preservation. I cannot imagine going through the same ordeal so I'd rather tear myself away from him now while I still can with a smile.
Friday, January 02, 2009
New Year's Resolution
1. On top of my list is to be debt-free. The first debt I know I would be able to eliminate is the money I owe to my cousins - if my calculations are correct, I would be finished paying them back by May. The next one is my Citifinancial loan. I will be done with the repayments by the 20 Aug.
And the last one, the most challenging of all, is my credit card bill. I seem to take on the liberty of swiping it again the moment I pay back my monthly due. From the looks of it, I will be able to finish it off by October. Its going to be a long way to October but I can take it one day at a time. =)
2. The second resolution I have in mind is to be consistent with my prayer time and attending masses. Its a continuation of what I have established last year and I think it will be pretty easy for me to accomplish; I still need to be vigilant though so that whenever temptation knocks, say a spontaneous invitation to party or hang out comes along, I would be able to resist reasonably. I have to be disciplined especially in this matter because I know that I have decided to be faithful and nurturing it by being consistent with my commitments is one way of showing my faithfulness.
3. I want to be highly organized. Take note of all the activities, document my daily routine, plan and organize my appointments and other extra curricular stuff. I also want to manage my finances - savings - this year and be strict in following my savings agenda.
4. I also vow to spend more time with my family and plan more weekend activities with them. Since I am away from home during the weekdays, I only have the weekends to bond with them. I have to think of more ways of spending my weekends with them so that we can get to know more of each other.
5. I also want to be more updated with the current events locally and internationally. I know that it will be a big part of what I want to do so I have to really start by reading up, as much as I can.
And the last one, the most challenging of all, is my credit card bill. I seem to take on the liberty of swiping it again the moment I pay back my monthly due. From the looks of it, I will be able to finish it off by October. Its going to be a long way to October but I can take it one day at a time. =)
2. The second resolution I have in mind is to be consistent with my prayer time and attending masses. Its a continuation of what I have established last year and I think it will be pretty easy for me to accomplish; I still need to be vigilant though so that whenever temptation knocks, say a spontaneous invitation to party or hang out comes along, I would be able to resist reasonably. I have to be disciplined especially in this matter because I know that I have decided to be faithful and nurturing it by being consistent with my commitments is one way of showing my faithfulness.
3. I want to be highly organized. Take note of all the activities, document my daily routine, plan and organize my appointments and other extra curricular stuff. I also want to manage my finances - savings - this year and be strict in following my savings agenda.
4. I also vow to spend more time with my family and plan more weekend activities with them. Since I am away from home during the weekdays, I only have the weekends to bond with them. I have to think of more ways of spending my weekends with them so that we can get to know more of each other.
5. I also want to be more updated with the current events locally and internationally. I know that it will be a big part of what I want to do so I have to really start by reading up, as much as I can.
Things I am hoping for in 2009
1. I hope my dad would learn how to control and say no to his drinking buddies and to spontaneous invitations and really start living a healthy life.
2. I hope my sister would step up to her responsibilities, not just simply for her daughters but more importantly for herself. I know that insecurities and personal issues are undeniably hard to deal with but I hope that she receives the same kind of motivation as I have, hopefully even more. I also pray for a better working condition for her and a true career she will enjoy doing for the rest of her productive life.
3. I am looking forward to a year of being closer and more bonded with my family - my siblings and my dad. I hope that we can do more things together and really stay together especially in difficult situations. I hope that we can go out regularly and enjoy different kinds cuisines, and try new experiences. I am praying that we get to know each other better, our hopes, our dreams, the little and big things in life that we want. I also pray that we be better off financially and finally get to travel together either within the Phils or abroad (i.e. Hong Kong or Singapore).
4. I pray for a better job, maybe even a promising career for my brother, Mark; I know he is up for it.
5. I hope I would be able to finish all the requirements I need for MA abroad and really get to bag a scholarship and a slot in the University of Oslo in Norway. Its going to be a long shot but I know I have the strongest backer I could have, God. Its written in the bible, whoesoever ask, should ask in faith.
6. To find a new job within the year related to international relations, peace and conflict management, research work, or development related.
7. To be able to save as much as I can in order to add to my lifetime savings.
8. To travel to different places, and see new cultures, meet different people and learn more about life.
9. To keep in touch with old friends, rekindle past friendships and strengthen new ones.
10. To extend myself to anyone or any situation I might be of help.
11. I hope that I would always strive to stay positive no matter what situation I am and to suspend judgment as long as I can to keep me from doing any regrettable decisions later on.
12. That I may finally, finally finish the answers for TRACK A.
2. I hope my sister would step up to her responsibilities, not just simply for her daughters but more importantly for herself. I know that insecurities and personal issues are undeniably hard to deal with but I hope that she receives the same kind of motivation as I have, hopefully even more. I also pray for a better working condition for her and a true career she will enjoy doing for the rest of her productive life.
3. I am looking forward to a year of being closer and more bonded with my family - my siblings and my dad. I hope that we can do more things together and really stay together especially in difficult situations. I hope that we can go out regularly and enjoy different kinds cuisines, and try new experiences. I am praying that we get to know each other better, our hopes, our dreams, the little and big things in life that we want. I also pray that we be better off financially and finally get to travel together either within the Phils or abroad (i.e. Hong Kong or Singapore).
4. I pray for a better job, maybe even a promising career for my brother, Mark; I know he is up for it.
5. I hope I would be able to finish all the requirements I need for MA abroad and really get to bag a scholarship and a slot in the University of Oslo in Norway. Its going to be a long shot but I know I have the strongest backer I could have, God. Its written in the bible, whoesoever ask, should ask in faith.
6. To find a new job within the year related to international relations, peace and conflict management, research work, or development related.
7. To be able to save as much as I can in order to add to my lifetime savings.
8. To travel to different places, and see new cultures, meet different people and learn more about life.
9. To keep in touch with old friends, rekindle past friendships and strengthen new ones.
10. To extend myself to anyone or any situation I might be of help.
11. I hope that I would always strive to stay positive no matter what situation I am and to suspend judgment as long as I can to keep me from doing any regrettable decisions later on.
12. That I may finally, finally finish the answers for TRACK A.
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