Monday, August 18, 2008
Any Better?
A few months back I was crawling and struggling because of a heartache. I can still vividly remember how painful the ordeal was. Fast forward to today, I asked myself, if God gives me a chance to go through it again, will I be better in handling it? I've lost two good friends through my own fault, and I never saw the intensity of the hurt until I was almost drowning in it. I have repeatedly asked myself could i have handled it any better?
Happy Birthday!
I woke up feeling excited for the day that is yet to unfold. I remember, albeit hazily, how it was when I turned 8 and 13yrs. old. And then of course reality knocked, it reminded me I just turned 27. It felt like there's still so much to discover, so many places to go to, a lot of great people to meet. I guess the only difference now is that I am more empowered to go after what I really want to do.
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Looking back
For 26 Years in my life, I have experienced some good and bad; I've tasted successes and defeats; I was given my share of joys and sufferings and been through the fleeting moment of love and the excruciating pain of being broken-hearted. While these were mostly good moments to enjoy and look back at, some are undeniably greater than what I have expected for myself.
I'd like to think that in all of these, I have learned to become a better person. I would say that - taken off the lines from one of the movies I've just recently watched - I've become a better person not just because I have experience a lot but also more importantly because I am willing to learn more.
I have been blessed and still am being blessed with so much, even as I write this. Looking back at the moments in the 26 years of my life is overwhelmingly nostalgic and I can't help but feel happy and sad at the same time. Something inside of me, influenced by a culture of apathy, tells me that it's no big deal to turn another year older, because who doesn't grow old year after year? It's one of the most normal thing on Earth. But no, it's not just normal; it's a gift and therefore it's something special to be given another year.
The 26 years of my life was an advanced birthday present for my 27th. There's just no end to the gratitude that is in my heart for everything I have been given.
Here's to the marvelous 26 years of my life!
I'd like to think that in all of these, I have learned to become a better person. I would say that - taken off the lines from one of the movies I've just recently watched - I've become a better person not just because I have experience a lot but also more importantly because I am willing to learn more.
I have been blessed and still am being blessed with so much, even as I write this. Looking back at the moments in the 26 years of my life is overwhelmingly nostalgic and I can't help but feel happy and sad at the same time. Something inside of me, influenced by a culture of apathy, tells me that it's no big deal to turn another year older, because who doesn't grow old year after year? It's one of the most normal thing on Earth. But no, it's not just normal; it's a gift and therefore it's something special to be given another year.
The 26 years of my life was an advanced birthday present for my 27th. There's just no end to the gratitude that is in my heart for everything I have been given.
Here's to the marvelous 26 years of my life!
Friday, August 15, 2008
Birthday Wishes
We only get to have one chance a year to have what we call birthday wishes. I had this notion before that we are limited to ask for one, but as I add more years to my age, I've come to realize that I can wish and ask for as much as I would fancy; anyway, I believe that we are not limited in our choices; we limit ourselves.
We only get to have one chance a year to have what we call birthday wishes. I had this notion before that we are limited to ask for one, but as I add more years to my age, I've come to realize that I can wish and ask for as much as I would fancy; anyway, I believe that we are not limited in our choices; we limit ourselves.
1. I have long wanted a beautiful and clear world map. If ever I get to have a room of my own, I would have this map mounted on the widest wall in it. I first realized that I wanted to acquire one way back in college when we went to one of my friend's house and I saw in his room the map that I have envied to have. It has pins stuck on it probably to signify some sort of arrangement. I have not yet decided whether I want to have pins on it to signify the places where I have been or to indicate a more politically significant organization. If my resources would allow me, I would have more than one map.
2. The second material thing I would love to have for my birthday is a leather pen case. My fixation for this item dates back to the time when I received a leather pen case from a friend which I have painstakingly filled with some pretty expensive sign pens (at that time), different colored dermatographs and a pencil and an eraser. Stupid me, I left this priced possession in our tambayan and haven't found it since. I have not been able to get over the loss and I'm sure that only a replacement, either of the same or a better kind would help me move on.
3. I want to have not just different coloured post its but post its of different sizes, shapes, and uses. Its an acquired taste influenced by obssessive-complusive or sometimes simply just organize-freak friends. When you are surrounded by people who worry about the chaos in their own little and big work spaces, whether its at home or at work, you can't help but be like them as well.
4. I want to have cd cases. The ones which I can carry with me, one for files and one for music.
The following would be a list of what I want in my life, wishes which concerns not only me but basically the people who are important to me.
5. I wish I would get the job in CAU. Its a pretty big thing to ask for, as it entails relocation and being away with my family and friends; my comfort for the longest time. I feel that I am ready for this.
6. I wish my dad would finally be able to overcome his depression and grief over the death of my mom. We, my siblings and I, have not had a smooth sailing relationship with our dad. We have had to deal with his tantrums, his insecurities, demands, and expectations. Its like he chose not to move on. He has rejected advises and has kept on insisting that the world has turned its back on him, particularly, he despises the people who he had helped before because they are not helping now. Its been a difficult journey for him and consequently for us because he refuses to let go of his expectations of the world.
7. This is probably the most serious wish I have for my birthday. I not only wish but pray for discernment that I may find the vocation I am supposed to live my life with. If I should be married, I pray for the man who I would be able to complement and more importantly share my valued faith. A person who loves my God more than he loves me. Should I be destined to live a religious or single-blessed life, I pray that I find the best occupation and contribution so that I not only serve the people around me but more importantly give back to God what is rightfully His, which is the best of me.
We only get to have one chance a year to have what we call birthday wishes. I had this notion before that we are limited to ask for one, but as I add more years to my age, I've come to realize that I can wish and ask for as much as I would fancy; anyway, I believe that we are not limited in our choices; we limit ourselves.
1. I have long wanted a beautiful and clear world map. If ever I get to have a room of my own, I would have this map mounted on the widest wall in it. I first realized that I wanted to acquire one way back in college when we went to one of my friend's house and I saw in his room the map that I have envied to have. It has pins stuck on it probably to signify some sort of arrangement. I have not yet decided whether I want to have pins on it to signify the places where I have been or to indicate a more politically significant organization. If my resources would allow me, I would have more than one map.
2. The second material thing I would love to have for my birthday is a leather pen case. My fixation for this item dates back to the time when I received a leather pen case from a friend which I have painstakingly filled with some pretty expensive sign pens (at that time), different colored dermatographs and a pencil and an eraser. Stupid me, I left this priced possession in our tambayan and haven't found it since. I have not been able to get over the loss and I'm sure that only a replacement, either of the same or a better kind would help me move on.
3. I want to have not just different coloured post its but post its of different sizes, shapes, and uses. Its an acquired taste influenced by obssessive-complusive or sometimes simply just organize-freak friends. When you are surrounded by people who worry about the chaos in their own little and big work spaces, whether its at home or at work, you can't help but be like them as well.
4. I want to have cd cases. The ones which I can carry with me, one for files and one for music.
The following would be a list of what I want in my life, wishes which concerns not only me but basically the people who are important to me.
5. I wish I would get the job in CAU. Its a pretty big thing to ask for, as it entails relocation and being away with my family and friends; my comfort for the longest time. I feel that I am ready for this.
6. I wish my dad would finally be able to overcome his depression and grief over the death of my mom. We, my siblings and I, have not had a smooth sailing relationship with our dad. We have had to deal with his tantrums, his insecurities, demands, and expectations. Its like he chose not to move on. He has rejected advises and has kept on insisting that the world has turned its back on him, particularly, he despises the people who he had helped before because they are not helping now. Its been a difficult journey for him and consequently for us because he refuses to let go of his expectations of the world.
7. This is probably the most serious wish I have for my birthday. I not only wish but pray for discernment that I may find the vocation I am supposed to live my life with. If I should be married, I pray for the man who I would be able to complement and more importantly share my valued faith. A person who loves my God more than he loves me. Should I be destined to live a religious or single-blessed life, I pray that I find the best occupation and contribution so that I not only serve the people around me but more importantly give back to God what is rightfully His, which is the best of me.
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