Saturday, October 24, 2009
360 degrees
Let me make it final. I am not moving out of Citi. I thought I was but then the contract, the much awaited contract did not arrive. Am I sad? A bit. Do I feel like I have been led on? Not really. But I do realize that I am back to square one. There goes my ticket to Switzerland, gone with the wind.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Traffic Jam and the Butterflies
No, not the traffic on the streets. More like virtual traffic. I am waiting for the documents I need to sign to make my move official but it seems to have been delayed somewhere. It might not have been approved. It might not have been written yet. I don't know. I don't know what to say because honestly, I don't know if I am now really ready to move out.
Before the training team accepted me, I was so damn sure that I will have to get out of Citi before this year ends. I was bent on sacrificing so much just so I could get out. I don't even know if its karma or what but now I can't seem to feel happy whenever I think of leaving Citi.
I like my job as a trainor but I know that my destiny is to be a negotiator and see the world. Something inside tells me that I will have the time and opportunity to do it. Darn, I'm quite torn about this. Though I know that I like what is being offered to me, I know as well that I like what I am doing now.
I was told that a choice between two evils is a moral decision, while a choice between two goods is a Christian one. For the past weeks, I have been summoning the wisdom of the world and the heavens to shed some light on my predicament so that I can make the best decision for me. I was hoping that the offer will still be there but its reality be delayed until I am given such time to fully enjoy my work and give back what I have learned from Citi.
For now, I have resolved to enjoy whatever time left I have in Citi and cherish the company of great people surrounding me. I hope that whatever relationships I have establish will last even after I have gone from the company.
=============================
On a different note, I find myself crushing over someone, again; someone unexpected and someone spotted not by me but my colleagues. I was surprised that he took notice of me and initiated a conversation. I like the way everything happened, it was spontaneous, it was fun. I didn't even go to see the program happening just so I could spend time with him. And then I'm falling again. Helplessly infatuated.
Sucks to be me during these times. I can't help it. I like him and I know that I cannot tell anyone because I will die - of shame. I don't know why I feel this way but every time I do, I know that the only way for me to get over a guy I like is to let it out. The more I try to suppress the feeling, the stronger it becomes and its like the metaphor, butterflies in my stomach, have grown ten times bigger and stronger because I swear its taking over my mood, especially when I don't get to see him.
I hate that I am figuring out myself. I hate that I know that its not enough for me to write about this. I have to let someone know. I can never get over this feeling without sharing this with another soul!
Ave!!!!
Before the training team accepted me, I was so damn sure that I will have to get out of Citi before this year ends. I was bent on sacrificing so much just so I could get out. I don't even know if its karma or what but now I can't seem to feel happy whenever I think of leaving Citi.
I like my job as a trainor but I know that my destiny is to be a negotiator and see the world. Something inside tells me that I will have the time and opportunity to do it. Darn, I'm quite torn about this. Though I know that I like what is being offered to me, I know as well that I like what I am doing now.
I was told that a choice between two evils is a moral decision, while a choice between two goods is a Christian one. For the past weeks, I have been summoning the wisdom of the world and the heavens to shed some light on my predicament so that I can make the best decision for me. I was hoping that the offer will still be there but its reality be delayed until I am given such time to fully enjoy my work and give back what I have learned from Citi.
For now, I have resolved to enjoy whatever time left I have in Citi and cherish the company of great people surrounding me. I hope that whatever relationships I have establish will last even after I have gone from the company.
=============================
On a different note, I find myself crushing over someone, again; someone unexpected and someone spotted not by me but my colleagues. I was surprised that he took notice of me and initiated a conversation. I like the way everything happened, it was spontaneous, it was fun. I didn't even go to see the program happening just so I could spend time with him. And then I'm falling again. Helplessly infatuated.
Sucks to be me during these times. I can't help it. I like him and I know that I cannot tell anyone because I will die - of shame. I don't know why I feel this way but every time I do, I know that the only way for me to get over a guy I like is to let it out. The more I try to suppress the feeling, the stronger it becomes and its like the metaphor, butterflies in my stomach, have grown ten times bigger and stronger because I swear its taking over my mood, especially when I don't get to see him.
I hate that I am figuring out myself. I hate that I know that its not enough for me to write about this. I have to let someone know. I can never get over this feeling without sharing this with another soul!
Ave!!!!
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