No, not the traffic on the streets. More like virtual traffic. I am waiting for the documents I need to sign to make my move official but it seems to have been delayed somewhere. It might not have been approved. It might not have been written yet. I don't know. I don't know what to say because honestly, I don't know if I am now really ready to move out.
Before the training team accepted me, I was so damn sure that I will have to get out of Citi before this year ends. I was bent on sacrificing so much just so I could get out. I don't even know if its karma or what but now I can't seem to feel happy whenever I think of leaving Citi.
I like my job as a trainor but I know that my destiny is to be a negotiator and see the world. Something inside tells me that I will have the time and opportunity to do it. Darn, I'm quite torn about this. Though I know that I like what is being offered to me, I know as well that I like what I am doing now.
I was told that a choice between two evils is a moral decision, while a choice between two goods is a Christian one. For the past weeks, I have been summoning the wisdom of the world and the heavens to shed some light on my predicament so that I can make the best decision for me. I was hoping that the offer will still be there but its reality be delayed until I am given such time to fully enjoy my work and give back what I have learned from Citi.
For now, I have resolved to enjoy whatever time left I have in Citi and cherish the company of great people surrounding me. I hope that whatever relationships I have establish will last even after I have gone from the company.
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On a different note, I find myself crushing over someone, again; someone unexpected and someone spotted not by me but my colleagues. I was surprised that he took notice of me and initiated a conversation. I like the way everything happened, it was spontaneous, it was fun. I didn't even go to see the program happening just so I could spend time with him. And then I'm falling again. Helplessly infatuated.
Sucks to be me during these times. I can't help it. I like him and I know that I cannot tell anyone because I will die - of shame. I don't know why I feel this way but every time I do, I know that the only way for me to get over a guy I like is to let it out. The more I try to suppress the feeling, the stronger it becomes and its like the metaphor, butterflies in my stomach, have grown ten times bigger and stronger because I swear its taking over my mood, especially when I don't get to see him.
I hate that I am figuring out myself. I hate that I know that its not enough for me to write about this. I have to let someone know. I can never get over this feeling without sharing this with another soul!
Ave!!!!
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