Superwoman
It is but normal, I guess, for a person of my age to be ideal and to dream big. The youth and vitality in me gives me the liberty to look wide-eyed at the opportunities presented to me by the world and to embrace them fully. Just like a typical spoiled-brat, figuratively speaking, I indulge myself with the thought of achieving all that I dream of in my life. And not the least of these things is my plan to be a powerful figure in the field of developmental politics. What I mean by that is to be a respected and sought after analyst and maybe consultant in matters that concern poverty alleviation, maybe even foreign policies and its implication and maybe even policy development in various fields such as health, environment, education or population.
In spite of my drive and enthusiasm to be who I want to be, its funny that I get nauseous whenever I think of the choices of my career path. There’s no question that in those choices lie who and what I will be in the future, what I cannot accept but I do know I eventually have to, is that I have to choose between all the these choices. And thinking that I cannot be all of these persons at the same time depresses me a bit. Haha, I know most of you would say. Girl, you are not a superwoman. I know that. But I have this nagging feeling that if think vividly and think hard, I would be someday. We’ll so far I haven’t been able to achieve much because my current disposition only succeeds in adding to my stress.
I am not a super woman. But I try to be. I look at other people, especially my colleagues, and I see them successful in their endeavors. It’s not that I have been mostly failure, but I guess I’ve mediocre for most of the time. My three years stay in a debate organization boosted my confidence yes, but I’m sad not to have been able to give back to the society. Every time I hear a colleague of mine has succeeded, I cannot help but compare myself and ask what can I not do that he or she can? Motivation sourced from envy? Clearly so.
Moral of the story: envy is not a good source of motivation only if it is the only source. It has to be sustained by a higher cause, a purpose that cannot be jaded by time or place and even displaced by another envy. With an even greater conviction, I know I have to accept that I cannot be all that I want to be. That there is a limit to what I can do but I still have to be thankful for what I have. Maybe its not as much as what others have but I put my faith completely in God that what He has given me are the best things for me.
If He has given His son because of His love for men, what more are our earthly needs?
Friday, May 28, 2004
Preposterous behaviour
I have been dismayed at the behavior of some of our legislators during the free-for-all debate in Congress for the canvassing of votes by both the upper and lower chamber of the house. I was speechless, to say the least, over the raucous behavior of a single representative - although annoyed with the others who tried to defend him in his request to incarcerate a guest in the gallery - who threw fits because of some disdainful note. What unfolded in my eyes as I watch silently in front of the television was a scene that I know most, if not all, of you would agree to be an act which disgraces a most esteemed position in the land.
Let’s suppose that the action of the lady guest in giving the letter was really uncalled for and that she manifested downright disregard and disrespect towards the representative and the whole parliamentary process. This being the case despite the fact that what she did was an expression of exasperation over the unending litany of the representative over matters that are not yet supposed to be discussed on the floor. It may be the case that the lady was clearly out of order and has been gravely rude to the representative, but to start a commotion that would lead to the suspension and adjournment of a proceeding that is of national importance over something that is, in my opinion, a matter of personal interest, is to act in the most selfish and insolent way. Moreover, to get back to the lady in the gallery in a situation where in the representative has an upper hand because he has the power to command for her incarceration, which is by the way, too harsh for a punishment for such an action, is to take advantage of his position as an official of the government. To call for such a punishment is to commit travesty to the people whom he serves (even if the lady is not within his jurisdiction) in the very halls of the country where in democracy and the people’s will and welfare should be heard and deliberated.
By far, the representative’s reaction to the defense of other congressmen on the exercise of the “freedom of expression” of the guest was the DUMBEST interpretation of the term I have ever encountered so far. I expect so much from a person who has earned the trust of his people enough to put him to office. And its not much to expect from somebody to understand the term in its varied meaning especially from somebody who finished law from an esteemed institution. And what the representative did was to grandstand for something that is clearly out of order. To shout at the speaker of the house and to everybody else to keep them from making a parliamentary manifestation whatsoever is the gravest abuse of freedom of expression.
With all due respect to the representative, the supposed contempt of the lady in the gallery is not without any reason and thus such tiff can be settled in other and more appropriate venue where in justice can be served to whom it is due. The ire of the lady was directed to the representative because of hugging the floor and insisting on proceeding with the process his way. In as much as the representative insists on upholding the rules regarding proper decorum, he should have thought that it was him who has committed the first act of transgressing the rules.
Well yes, there are media men ready to air the lady’s dismay but what better way to get the message across than to direct it to the party concerned. I am one with Mrs. Pido for standing for what she believed is her right and exercising that. Its about time that these congressmen realize that their stature is something they owe to the people and thus they should be mindful of using it for the welfare of the people and not to elevate their overbearing egos.
Let’s suppose that the action of the lady guest in giving the letter was really uncalled for and that she manifested downright disregard and disrespect towards the representative and the whole parliamentary process. This being the case despite the fact that what she did was an expression of exasperation over the unending litany of the representative over matters that are not yet supposed to be discussed on the floor. It may be the case that the lady was clearly out of order and has been gravely rude to the representative, but to start a commotion that would lead to the suspension and adjournment of a proceeding that is of national importance over something that is, in my opinion, a matter of personal interest, is to act in the most selfish and insolent way. Moreover, to get back to the lady in the gallery in a situation where in the representative has an upper hand because he has the power to command for her incarceration, which is by the way, too harsh for a punishment for such an action, is to take advantage of his position as an official of the government. To call for such a punishment is to commit travesty to the people whom he serves (even if the lady is not within his jurisdiction) in the very halls of the country where in democracy and the people’s will and welfare should be heard and deliberated.
By far, the representative’s reaction to the defense of other congressmen on the exercise of the “freedom of expression” of the guest was the DUMBEST interpretation of the term I have ever encountered so far. I expect so much from a person who has earned the trust of his people enough to put him to office. And its not much to expect from somebody to understand the term in its varied meaning especially from somebody who finished law from an esteemed institution. And what the representative did was to grandstand for something that is clearly out of order. To shout at the speaker of the house and to everybody else to keep them from making a parliamentary manifestation whatsoever is the gravest abuse of freedom of expression.
With all due respect to the representative, the supposed contempt of the lady in the gallery is not without any reason and thus such tiff can be settled in other and more appropriate venue where in justice can be served to whom it is due. The ire of the lady was directed to the representative because of hugging the floor and insisting on proceeding with the process his way. In as much as the representative insists on upholding the rules regarding proper decorum, he should have thought that it was him who has committed the first act of transgressing the rules.
Well yes, there are media men ready to air the lady’s dismay but what better way to get the message across than to direct it to the party concerned. I am one with Mrs. Pido for standing for what she believed is her right and exercising that. Its about time that these congressmen realize that their stature is something they owe to the people and thus they should be mindful of using it for the welfare of the people and not to elevate their overbearing egos.
Thursday, May 27, 2004
Thoughts of a hopeful and a pessimist
Thoughts of a hopeful and a pessimist
The debate we are now witnessing in the House of Representatives over the procedures on canvassing the votes would give us a clear idea of how our legislative department have degenerated to levels that cannot be considered as healthy manifestation of a working democracy. Here in our office, we have been diligently listening to the row of opposition and administration legislators over a single section in the rules of canvassing the votes. Pardon me for my haughtiness, but even a rookie debater in any debate circle would understand that the supposed objection of the opposition legislators are nothing but mere ploy to delay the process of canvassing or the proclamation of winning candidates. I may not know much about the law or even the rules in the House of Representative and the Senate but any straight minded person would observe that the debates conducted by the legislators are nothing but hot air and that the discussion are going round in circles.
The contention that the rules or procedures for canvassing are not really mandated by the law and is therefore flexible for any revisions is not good enough an excuse not to adopt it anyway. The reason that the rules have merely become a tradition and a practice and hence can be modified to suit the needs of the current circumstances does not pass as an acceptable justification because even practices and tradition have reasons for their existence. To be able to change tradition, the justification would have to weigh greater than what has held that tradition for a long time otherwise seeing tradition as merely founded on illogical beliefs would be an irreverence to the intelligence of the makers of the tradition or whatever it is they are opposing.
There are so many questions why the first ever democracy in the South East Asian region have become a farce. It would add insult to the injury by saying that farce are better than our situation because at least there is something to laugh about in farce but the situation we are in does not deserve funny remark. If at all, it’s a scene that most of us would usually despise because of the moronic portrayal of Philippine politics. Even protagonists earn the disdain of the audience when he or she refuses to fight back to the cruelties of his or her antagonists, as if too dumb to think that his or her dignity has been crushed to the ground. Our politicians have made fun of themselves in as much as they have played with the system of government with their petty politicking and penchant to organize factions that aggravate disunity in the government. It is infuriating to see how the elected politicians, hoping that they would somehow work for the benefit of their constituents who sent them to their post, are the main perpetrators of fraud and deceit that impoverishes the majority of the people.
All the more reason for disillusion is the thought that the government they are playing with today is what we will inherit in the future. So some of you may ask, what it is that you might do to be able to contribute to the betterment of the situation? I say a little. Why is that? Because to be able to play good, one has to play by the rules. But these very rules are subject to the discretion, whims and moods of the ones in position. And these same rules can be modified according to their convenience and depending on the discomfort of others. Before the time I can be able to contribute, I must fight the might of the charlatan, overcome the legal obstacles they’ve set-up, survive the bureaucratic booby traps of their own system and still stand clean and dignified for the final match.
One may say that this is another one of those pessimistic observer who have reached her limit of absorbing the “bads” of this country, another one of those youth who never came to accept the harsh realities of life, who become too attached to her ideals. Maybe I am in part, there is no denying that especially with the tone I have written my essay. But unlike those who have resigned to accept that this is the way it will be for our country, I believe that I still have a flicker of hope within me, if not an ounce.
I am a witness to the small yet recognizable glory that my fellow countrymen give to this country. I thank God for every little advances and developments in the economy no matter how trivial. My hopes are lifted whenever every fellow student or graduate achieves great distinction outside the country. For much of the rantings and cynicism, Filipinos have become renowned not only because of their funny government and not-so-exemplary politicians but also because despite the entire catastrophe that has befallen on them, be it man-made or nature caused, they still managed to make a dent in the greater world and make their presence felt in every way other than being the fastest developing country or the most progressive one.
I don’t know if I’ll see the day when our country will once again stand tall and proud because we Filipinos have surpassed difficult and seemingly hopeless moments in our country’s history, but until we do, I’ll just be here, hoping and praying for better times.
The debate we are now witnessing in the House of Representatives over the procedures on canvassing the votes would give us a clear idea of how our legislative department have degenerated to levels that cannot be considered as healthy manifestation of a working democracy. Here in our office, we have been diligently listening to the row of opposition and administration legislators over a single section in the rules of canvassing the votes. Pardon me for my haughtiness, but even a rookie debater in any debate circle would understand that the supposed objection of the opposition legislators are nothing but mere ploy to delay the process of canvassing or the proclamation of winning candidates. I may not know much about the law or even the rules in the House of Representative and the Senate but any straight minded person would observe that the debates conducted by the legislators are nothing but hot air and that the discussion are going round in circles.
The contention that the rules or procedures for canvassing are not really mandated by the law and is therefore flexible for any revisions is not good enough an excuse not to adopt it anyway. The reason that the rules have merely become a tradition and a practice and hence can be modified to suit the needs of the current circumstances does not pass as an acceptable justification because even practices and tradition have reasons for their existence. To be able to change tradition, the justification would have to weigh greater than what has held that tradition for a long time otherwise seeing tradition as merely founded on illogical beliefs would be an irreverence to the intelligence of the makers of the tradition or whatever it is they are opposing.
There are so many questions why the first ever democracy in the South East Asian region have become a farce. It would add insult to the injury by saying that farce are better than our situation because at least there is something to laugh about in farce but the situation we are in does not deserve funny remark. If at all, it’s a scene that most of us would usually despise because of the moronic portrayal of Philippine politics. Even protagonists earn the disdain of the audience when he or she refuses to fight back to the cruelties of his or her antagonists, as if too dumb to think that his or her dignity has been crushed to the ground. Our politicians have made fun of themselves in as much as they have played with the system of government with their petty politicking and penchant to organize factions that aggravate disunity in the government. It is infuriating to see how the elected politicians, hoping that they would somehow work for the benefit of their constituents who sent them to their post, are the main perpetrators of fraud and deceit that impoverishes the majority of the people.
All the more reason for disillusion is the thought that the government they are playing with today is what we will inherit in the future. So some of you may ask, what it is that you might do to be able to contribute to the betterment of the situation? I say a little. Why is that? Because to be able to play good, one has to play by the rules. But these very rules are subject to the discretion, whims and moods of the ones in position. And these same rules can be modified according to their convenience and depending on the discomfort of others. Before the time I can be able to contribute, I must fight the might of the charlatan, overcome the legal obstacles they’ve set-up, survive the bureaucratic booby traps of their own system and still stand clean and dignified for the final match.
One may say that this is another one of those pessimistic observer who have reached her limit of absorbing the “bads” of this country, another one of those youth who never came to accept the harsh realities of life, who become too attached to her ideals. Maybe I am in part, there is no denying that especially with the tone I have written my essay. But unlike those who have resigned to accept that this is the way it will be for our country, I believe that I still have a flicker of hope within me, if not an ounce.
I am a witness to the small yet recognizable glory that my fellow countrymen give to this country. I thank God for every little advances and developments in the economy no matter how trivial. My hopes are lifted whenever every fellow student or graduate achieves great distinction outside the country. For much of the rantings and cynicism, Filipinos have become renowned not only because of their funny government and not-so-exemplary politicians but also because despite the entire catastrophe that has befallen on them, be it man-made or nature caused, they still managed to make a dent in the greater world and make their presence felt in every way other than being the fastest developing country or the most progressive one.
I don’t know if I’ll see the day when our country will once again stand tall and proud because we Filipinos have surpassed difficult and seemingly hopeless moments in our country’s history, but until we do, I’ll just be here, hoping and praying for better times.
Tuesday, May 11, 2004
Depressions
I have lived another day of my life with another grueling bout of depression. As always, i have to contend with everything that’s lacking in my family and me: the necessities i cannot provide for them, the luxuries they thought they would be able to enjoy when i start working, and the stuff I almost sinfully lavished myself with, even until now, that i cannot give them. I have been plagued and battered by my fears: fears of not being able to provide them the means to get their ticket to freedom (graduation); fears of sickness, of death, of harm, of misfortune, of pains, of suffering. Every little thing there is to fear has feasted on my spiritual and emotional weakness. That tiny hole that allowed streams of panic take over me, has been opened to create a chasm that leaves a great space in my heart for wandering. I know I had to save myself from being taken over by all of this, lest I accept the consequences of paranoia.
Even I have grown tired of listening to my old rantings and frustrations. I am slowly starting to think that nobody is now willing to listen because i myself refuse to hear the heavy rumblings of my soul. I need a rescuer..God help me. I beg thee.
Even I have grown tired of listening to my old rantings and frustrations. I am slowly starting to think that nobody is now willing to listen because i myself refuse to hear the heavy rumblings of my soul. I need a rescuer..God help me. I beg thee.
Friday, May 07, 2004
The path of my career
the path of my career..
its been a not-so-productive day today. Its not because i spent most of my time in office chatting (on the net) with a close friend, not because i surf the net for prospective internship and full-time job applications abroad concerned more with international developments and events, but sadly because i did not really focus on what i wanted to do, and that is to read up on my next article. i've been down lately and depressed lately, first because i miss my mom; second because i have been discontented with my present job, third; because of anxieties caused by my uncertain future; fourth because disappointments with the way im performing with my job..And the list goes on. it seems as if they wont let me be..or maybe i just dont want them to leave me..ITs weird that the comfort or discomfort of their company has already been familiar to me..i feel almost lost without them bugging me..but then again, i want to keep them away from me..but i keep on attracting them back for some habitual reasons..
I have always wanted to write something profound and telling. Something that would make me ask, "did i write this one? am i not good or what?", when i get to read it again. I must admit im just looking for something to lift me from pitying myself. I have always dreamed that i would wake up one day and look back at today seeing ive been successful in overcoming this phase in my life. ive read from one story that problems are like dirt being thrown at you by life, seems as if you're being buried alive. To keep being buried alive, one must shake the dirt off and step -up. its been taking me an awfully hard time to shake it and step up. But i know im getting there.You know what they always say, when you're down, rock bottom, there's no other way for you but up.hahhaha.
Im sure that so many others are going through the same ordeal as I am going through right now, and im sure that most of them are also about to give up. But the good thing, as ive already stated here, help comes at the later part of the story. We often complain how cops or police always arrive at the end of crime or accident or anything big in a movie, no wonder it never changes, its got the real life as its basis. Im one of those willing and i know, able to hang-on until help comes...as sophia once wrote, i might not be where i am right now, maybe even far from where i want to be but i might as well party till i get there..coz most of the time, its not the destination that matters, its the journey (yep, as they always say!bow!).
And so tomorrow is another day for me...challenges, there will be many..especially now that my dad is about to come home..ill be having hard time trying to go out on parties and social events in my circle of friends, but i just pray, really i do..i may be able to handle it well especially with the glas-sensitiveness of my dad right now..
its been a not-so-productive day today. Its not because i spent most of my time in office chatting (on the net) with a close friend, not because i surf the net for prospective internship and full-time job applications abroad concerned more with international developments and events, but sadly because i did not really focus on what i wanted to do, and that is to read up on my next article. i've been down lately and depressed lately, first because i miss my mom; second because i have been discontented with my present job, third; because of anxieties caused by my uncertain future; fourth because disappointments with the way im performing with my job..And the list goes on. it seems as if they wont let me be..or maybe i just dont want them to leave me..ITs weird that the comfort or discomfort of their company has already been familiar to me..i feel almost lost without them bugging me..but then again, i want to keep them away from me..but i keep on attracting them back for some habitual reasons..
I have always wanted to write something profound and telling. Something that would make me ask, "did i write this one? am i not good or what?", when i get to read it again. I must admit im just looking for something to lift me from pitying myself. I have always dreamed that i would wake up one day and look back at today seeing ive been successful in overcoming this phase in my life. ive read from one story that problems are like dirt being thrown at you by life, seems as if you're being buried alive. To keep being buried alive, one must shake the dirt off and step -up. its been taking me an awfully hard time to shake it and step up. But i know im getting there.You know what they always say, when you're down, rock bottom, there's no other way for you but up.hahhaha.
Im sure that so many others are going through the same ordeal as I am going through right now, and im sure that most of them are also about to give up. But the good thing, as ive already stated here, help comes at the later part of the story. We often complain how cops or police always arrive at the end of crime or accident or anything big in a movie, no wonder it never changes, its got the real life as its basis. Im one of those willing and i know, able to hang-on until help comes...as sophia once wrote, i might not be where i am right now, maybe even far from where i want to be but i might as well party till i get there..coz most of the time, its not the destination that matters, its the journey (yep, as they always say!bow!).
And so tomorrow is another day for me...challenges, there will be many..especially now that my dad is about to come home..ill be having hard time trying to go out on parties and social events in my circle of friends, but i just pray, really i do..i may be able to handle it well especially with the glas-sensitiveness of my dad right now..
Wednesday, May 05, 2004
Brotherly love
more than the wonderful feeling of loving, the tremendous pain that comes with it, the fleeting moments with just a glimpse of him or her, the blushes and gushes, the sleepless nights, the anxieties..its the unpredictable, unimaginable, crazy, peculiar and yes, the ironic things we do for love - even without us knowing it - that simple makes it an amazing idea. Love can get away with doing almost anything even the things that we think are not characteristic of it....
i really thought differently of how i treat my brother next to me..i thought ive lost all the love i have for him..i thought ive become apathetic to him..but thank you God for letting me realize that i havent and that i love him still and that i should love him more..
i really thought differently of how i treat my brother next to me..i thought ive lost all the love i have for him..i thought ive become apathetic to him..but thank you God for letting me realize that i havent and that i love him still and that i should love him more..
Tuesday, May 04, 2004
Standing by...
And so we come to a point in our lives when we get stuck in a situation and we feel as if there is nothing that could get us out of there. When we feel our faith is running out because there just seems to be nothing to hold on to. And when all the preaching cannot silence the questions running in our minds because we simply got nowhere to turn to, the tendency is to take pity on ourselves or simply loose hope that something good will ever come our way.
The good thing is we never totally succumb to that feeling of defeat and hopelessness. More often than not, help and providence comes when we are just about to let go, when our strength cannot support the weight on our shoulders. At least that’s how I see it. Because even if the assistance I need usually comes at the latter part of my difficulty, sparing me not from the travails, and yes, adventures of somebody in need, help still does come my way. And that is why, I’m thankful that I have my faith. Because it has sustained me all the time I was distressed and depressed and disillusioned by the harsh and revolting realities of life, my life. I don’t really know how to effectively tell others why they should trust, have faith and believe in an entity called the Divine Power. But i must say, for something almost unfathomable by human reason and intellect, it really can deliver what we sincerely ask from Him. Despite hundreds of testimonies as to the “truth” of such an entity, and even swearing under oath for the veracity of my own account, it is still sad to know that these are not enough to convince others to start practicing their faith and believe that GOD has something good in store for them. But if these are not enough, what would it take so that others might experience that joy of loving God and knowing simply that He has loved us without reasons, conditions and second thoughts?
There are still many things i need to know about my faith but its mysteries continue to lure me into believing that there is something more than what this world can offer if i continue on believing. The doctrines that back my faith are surely not enough to explain everything i believe in. The question of why the son of God has to die in order to save humankind would not let me be, although it does not bother me to think that way. What I console myself with, and how I understand His death and sacrifice, I take in simple discernment: If God was able to give up his only begotten Son for my salvation, what more my trivial necessities in this world?
The good thing is we never totally succumb to that feeling of defeat and hopelessness. More often than not, help and providence comes when we are just about to let go, when our strength cannot support the weight on our shoulders. At least that’s how I see it. Because even if the assistance I need usually comes at the latter part of my difficulty, sparing me not from the travails, and yes, adventures of somebody in need, help still does come my way. And that is why, I’m thankful that I have my faith. Because it has sustained me all the time I was distressed and depressed and disillusioned by the harsh and revolting realities of life, my life. I don’t really know how to effectively tell others why they should trust, have faith and believe in an entity called the Divine Power. But i must say, for something almost unfathomable by human reason and intellect, it really can deliver what we sincerely ask from Him. Despite hundreds of testimonies as to the “truth” of such an entity, and even swearing under oath for the veracity of my own account, it is still sad to know that these are not enough to convince others to start practicing their faith and believe that GOD has something good in store for them. But if these are not enough, what would it take so that others might experience that joy of loving God and knowing simply that He has loved us without reasons, conditions and second thoughts?
There are still many things i need to know about my faith but its mysteries continue to lure me into believing that there is something more than what this world can offer if i continue on believing. The doctrines that back my faith are surely not enough to explain everything i believe in. The question of why the son of God has to die in order to save humankind would not let me be, although it does not bother me to think that way. What I console myself with, and how I understand His death and sacrifice, I take in simple discernment: If God was able to give up his only begotten Son for my salvation, what more my trivial necessities in this world?
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