here i go for my first entry for the month of march..its the middle of the month and incidentally its the wedding anniversary of my mom and dad. its good that some of our relatives are here to keep my dad company coz i honestly don't feel well about myself, physically and mentally, and emotionally. I've been tired coming from the office...who wouldn't? Its a long way from the office and i have to take commuters' ride before i could get home, not to mention the stress the rush hour gives.
i was off early today..haven't done much and i feel that i i wasn't motivated add to that the fact that the big boss ranted about things that has gone awry partly because he was so busy with his other commitments..I want to cry..really cry my heart out. I miss my mom. I can't understand why its only now that im going through these emotions. Im working hard not to plunge into depression because the last thing i can afford to do. Im afraid to confide to somebody coz they might just dismiss me and talk me out of it. Of course as friends and confidant, its one of the things they should do in order to help the person..give advices and stuff but in my case, i want somebody who'll listen , just listen. Somebody who could be strong for me when its my time to be weak. Havent cried for so long and i dont know if its an achievement or its an indirect way of committing suicide. coz i just figured that crying is my outlet, my exhaust, my way of coping.
now im confused and i dont really have an idea of what to do. what i want, where to go. Ive got lots of friends but in times like these, i dont know if they are willing to listen to me.having been seen as the strong one, i dont know if they will accept me in this state..
another working day tomorrow..have to sleep and rest..havent been able to sleep well because of the stress..
i need to have a hot oil and trim..
