It is very clear on my 31st year how imaginary things can limit the way we live our lives. And I speak of this, thinking of boundaries that exists in our minds.
Age being one of them.
I once thought that 30+ is an age when choices are limited (well, still is for me; Men, in my case J);
When one’s world becomes smaller and smaller;
When the time to accomplish better, bigger, and greater things is shorter ;
When dreams become more impossible to reach;
When responsibilities are overwhelming and pay-offs are more disappointing ;
When expectations are inevitable and demands are tight;
When love becomes perfunctory;
When life becomes boring.
But then, life has proven me wrong.
I lived. I breathed. I laughed and cried. I sing and danced. I fought and won. I fought and lost. I argued. I loved and lost. I discovered. I wondered. I gave. I surrendered. I pressed on. I risked (but not too much).
At 31, I can look at my old pictures and confidently say that those were my old pictures; I am still the same girl, only more beautiful in many ways. J I have come to understand that the old Gail does not and cannot keep the Gail now from growing (well figuratively, of course), from living fully.
At 31, I am freer than ever. I make decisions and choices because I understand the consequences not simply because it is fun (although I can also choose that) but because it’s the right thing to do even if it’s not the most convenient.
At 31, I have lived in that moment when you must endure without blinking an eye because there is no other option. You live not only for yourself but in that experience of pain you learn that nothing material is of more value than how you choose to be and to react to the situation.
At 31, I have witnessed the resilience of the human spirit. From the depths of despair, men can rise to greater heights. But with them, as always, are a few good men and friends who willingly shared the burden without expecting anything in return. No success or triumph has ever been achieved alone.
At 31, I have bigger dreams than ever. I have come to fully realize that my reality cannot be confined to what I see. My reality can stretch as far, as wild, as amazing, and breathtaking as my mind can conceive. My world is more colourful, more fun; I have more time to do things, I have bigger responsibilities and I am not complaining because as they say, to whom much is given, much is expected in return.
At 31, I do not have a few good friends. I have been blessed with a lot. And they are not just friends for laughs, but friends for keeps. (if you are reading this, then you are one such kind of friend)
And yes, love. Love is wonderful. It still is a choice, and when done rightly at the perfect time with the perfect one, its breathtaking. Now, this is not out of experience (a part maybe) but from stories of friends, from feel good movies, from books, from gossips, from research.
At 31, the experience is still a mystery to me. It’s okay, I’m not in a hurry. God’s timing is perfect. I just know. J
My horizon has never been wider than ever. I see more, can do more, laugh my heart out more, make funny faces and care not if I do not look good, and party more.
At 31, I will live.
I will breathe, I will definitely laugh and even though I am not looking forward to crying,
I will still embrace the thought of doing so -
if only to express the happiness that laughter cannot anymore profess.
I will sing and you bet I will dance (until my legs walk out on me).
I will fight and I will win.
I will continue to argue
but I will also continue to learn how to be silent.
I will fight and will not be afraid to lose.
I will discover, I will wonder and be amazed.
I will give.
I will surrender when the time calls for it.
I will press on.
I will love and love and love even if it means losing as well.
And I will write.
At 31, I am younger.
At 31, I am happier.
At 31, it can only get better.
I’m 31,
Gail
