GAiLALU

Another week is about to be over..Another week of work, of random thoughts, mood swings and dreaming. Its amazing how, when i look back, it seems as if christmas just happened yesterday...people were sooo generous, embracing wholeheartedly the spirit of Christmas..and then the next thing i knew, valentines has passed. I've been trying to juggle and balance so many thoughts in mind. I've been reminiscing my college days and the times when i feel i could have done something better or when i should have exerted more effort so that i could gain a little more.

I remember when my mom was still alive, when i would share the things that happened to me at school. I would share to her even the littlest and insignificant detail that happened to me that day, trying to make it sound as if it was a big thing just to make her laugh, just to see her smile despite the pain. I remember when i would tell her how tired I am, how far i want to go with my life, my dreams and what i want to achieve. I used to tell her before that i would take her to the other side of the world, that she would have her breakfast in HOngkong, Lunch in the US and dinner in Paris. Those were my grand dreams for her when she still was feeling ok.

When I knew she would be confined in bed for some time, my dreams for diminished to being able to walk with her in the mall or in the park, taking her to her favorite food place...watch movies with her...

When she started screaming because the pain has already grown strong beyond her control, all i dreamed and prayed for was for her to have a good night's sleep. I miss my mom...I miss her soooo much..Whenever i would see a mother and her daughter/s in the mall, whether shopping for school stuff, for dress, for home furnishings and simply taking a stroll, i would feel envious because those moments were very rare even when my mom was healthy because she had to work soo hard for us. I just wish that she was given more time to enjoy the fruits of her sacrifice. I wish i had been able to give her what i enjoyed when i was still dependent on her. I wish...

basket of thoughts

Its friday again and here I am filling the blog which i earlier promised to faithfully fill everyday, having skipped 3 straights days of unloading the baggages i got after 3 tiring days. I have been thinking of so many things and there are a lot of questions going in my mind, as well as realizations from the events that happened especially during the championship of the debate tournament. I could just pick one tonight and discuss more about it so that i could at least unload one, the only problem being, i dont know which one to pick.

i have this bugging question within me, one that ive had since we watched michael buble. this sort of intensifies my quest to live up to my dreams and keep them on track but somehow also gets me back into thinking whether i can be what i wanted to be. im kinda short on thoughts right now, my ideas have sinked into the back of my mind..i still have to unearth and process them..

A little short of the goal

I was quite frustrated with how my day started. I set my alarm clock at 6am. But lo and behold! I should have known that my body wouldn’t cooperate with me. As usual, I woke up when I heard the my cellphone alarm but I just turned it off and set it again to alarm at 6:30 but I was never able to wake up again until 7:30. IM frustrated..really..I cant seem to lift myself from bed when I wake up. And from there follows the not-so-good-things. I was late by 15 mins..and I hate that. Coz I already negotiated with myself that I would be late for the month of February. But so as not to piss myself off and ruin my entire day and week, I decided to give myself a break and accept that I am a human being that needs time before I can perfect a habit.

IN the course of the day, I started to feel lethargic and what I really hated about it is that I can’t seem to focus on what im reading and doing coz im soooooooo sleepy. Darn…add to that the fact that im unmotivated. I know, I know that motivation should first and foremost come from within but since I cant find it within me, I cant help but look for it externally but sad to say, it cannot be found outside either. So, it started…At the end of my working day. Im already a grouch.

What ruined my day more, was that I cant believe I wasn’t able to get a copy of a bill that has been in the conference committee for almost 3 mos now. I cant believe that I totally forgot to get a copy…I am now confused as to how im going to arrange and update all the bills we have here. Coz it’s the first week of the month and I need to update our files…ahhhhh…the work is getting on me….

So I am now thinking of something good that actually happened….think..think…think….darn.. my head is not working..maybe ill just put it tomorrow, but I better write it down so I wont forget..

Lesson for the day: I need to get up early to start my day right..i cant be late again and repeat this day… I cant.. I need to work tomorrow..

Actually this is not just a little short of my perfect day..it’s a far cry..

a new blog for a new start

finally, im able to create a new blog! ive been wanting to do this for some time now because i want to form a habit of filling my blog as often as i can, and i plan to do it daily. good luck to me.

anyways, i was able to watch for the first time, the series "young americans" (i cant remember if it comes with an 's'). i must say, i was moved by the story and how the actors fit the roles they play. I personnaly like Hamilton, the son of the dean and teacher, whom i cannot remember the names. He's soooo cute and even the story between him and the supposed "jake". what i cant quite understand is why 'jake' has to pretend he's a guy. im sure there's a story behind it...maybe she/he wants to be close to Hamilton or maybe she/he wants to study in a private school...i hope there's a deeper reason behind coz the reasons i stated are really shallow ones and there kinda common.

i like how will tells his story. how he speaks from his mind. i like the thoughts that he contemplates on because most are the same thoughts i have. i like the setting and place of the series. i like how the characters act and take on their roles. it feels so close to my heart watching them and understanding every story that unfolds as i sit there waiting for our laundry woman to finish her set of dirty clothes to wash. the series, the stories and the people made me think of how i really wanted to live my life. I know that part of me is saying that the lives they live is the kind of life i want for me..its not perfect but there's freedom there. there's the opportunity to discover one's self and grow and be who you want to be.

i know that a factor why i like the story and the series is because it has brought to life my desires, which i cannot tell at least completely, boldly and vividly to others, even to my closest friends. but i know that there's a way for me to achieve what i have long desired and dreamed.

so much for a good start...im off to my bed now coz i dont want to be late for tomorrow's work. one thing in starting new and fresh is that it gives me hope to really be diligent and faithful in what i want to do. so ill be working for a no-late week..and then month and then two months and then three months.....

ive got so many things going in my head..mind..and im determined to write them all down here..