Just as i predicted, I was bound for another heartbreak. Not sure if I have really gotten over the first one; I tried to feel my chest and check if there is still pain - yep, its still there and now another lash at my recuperating heart. I need to stop while I still can. There is just no learning the lesson for me. I keep on falling knowing but being consciously blind that no one is ever there to catch me. Now, I'm starting to feel that growing old and spending the rest of my life with myself is something possible, not that I want it.
The tears have dried up and I'm guessing the only thing that'll make me cry is the thought of my mom. Other life-changing moments may just end up smashing themselves into a solid wall of numbness. Oh, i just hope no one is reading this. I really hope. Because its me and my lovesick moments again. I think these moments will never really stop until I learn to stop hurting myself.
No more falling for the nearness of you, for mr. responsible, mr. cool, mr. nice guy, mr. intelligent, mr. funny man - no more for me, for now. NO more expectations, no more assumptions, no more hopes and dreams in this aspect of my life, kilig moments, maybe yes, but no more looking forward to anything more. No more.
Call it living backwards; call it living in a lie; call it being coward. No more. No more. No more.
Make no mistake, in the midst of the 'no mores' is the 'getting busy living' part. I will seriously start chasing dreams and taking steps closer to building heaven here on earth, at least while I can.
Wish me luck. The best of luck there is. I'm not sure how long I will hold but I will have to learn the trick. I will have to learn how to be happy without this.
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Thursday, February 05, 2009
25 Random Things about Me
1. I try to stay away from eating rice because it makes my belly big. As a result, i try to stay away from eating which is usually the cause of terrible migraines, which in turn makes me swear i will never skip a meal, and then I forget. And the cycle continues. But I love to eat. really.
2. One of my biggest dream is to become a supermodel. Its a dream that can probably just happen in a parallel universe, where height is not really an issue.
3. I have been a complaints officer for a year and 5 mos and then I just realized, I really suck at complaints handling.
4. One day i woke and felt that I am destined to become a royalty - as in a princess. I was not sure how, and still am not sure until now, but I really did not even thought that I would have to marry a prince in order to be one. It was only when my officemates laughed at the idea, that I realized I have to find and marry a prince, for real.
5. My ultimate dream is to become a Nobel Peace Prize awardee.
6. I want to see the Nasca lines in Peru, the Amazon forest in Brazil, the Eiffel Tower in France, the caves in Palawan, and the village in Greece where they shot the movie of KC Concepcion and Richard Gutierrez.
7. I want to study in the University of Oslo because so far, its the only university that offers, MA in Peace and Conflict Studies.
8. I want my sister to be married first before me.
9. I want to travel overseas with my whole family, all 8 of us. Papa, ate, mark, martie, gelo, lara, larisse, and me.
10. I love dressing up.
11. When I drink too much alcohol, I can't speak in Tagalog because my tongue gets numb. SO i speak in English, with a British accent.
12. I stopped in college for one whole school year because I was suffering from four ailments: asthma - which is the only thing that has not recurred; ulcer - which comes back from time to time; scoliosis, and migraine - the one killing me right now.
13. I cry when I watch anything that depicts a child missing their moms, or a mom caring for their children. I miss my mom everyday.
14. Sometimes I want to be a housewife.
15. I want to memorize the world map and the position of countries with their capital cities.
16. When I laugh so hard, I have to start jumping up and down and then roll over in order to breathe.
17. I reallly, really, really love to be called by my name.
18. I like memorizing lines from my favorite movies.
19. My favorites movies are Pride and Prejudice, Transformers, Lord of the Rings (all three of them), Longest Yard, White Chicks, A Very Special Love, and I watch them over and over again.
20. I can't sleep more than 10 hours a day (as if I have the luxury) because doing so will trigger my migraine.
21. I love our WYD Team in Sydney.
22. I am soooo talkative. And sometimes I hate this thing about me. I can't just seem to shut up. When I do, I feel like I am a completely different person.
23. I suck at grammar and I am not very good at writing.
24. I love to sing. I told my mom before, I would die if I can't sing.
25. I want to swim. As in do laps. I also want to run. I just had my first race last 24 January at the Fort. I finished #255 in a 5km race from among 355++ participants.
2. One of my biggest dream is to become a supermodel. Its a dream that can probably just happen in a parallel universe, where height is not really an issue.
3. I have been a complaints officer for a year and 5 mos and then I just realized, I really suck at complaints handling.
4. One day i woke and felt that I am destined to become a royalty - as in a princess. I was not sure how, and still am not sure until now, but I really did not even thought that I would have to marry a prince in order to be one. It was only when my officemates laughed at the idea, that I realized I have to find and marry a prince, for real.
5. My ultimate dream is to become a Nobel Peace Prize awardee.
6. I want to see the Nasca lines in Peru, the Amazon forest in Brazil, the Eiffel Tower in France, the caves in Palawan, and the village in Greece where they shot the movie of KC Concepcion and Richard Gutierrez.
7. I want to study in the University of Oslo because so far, its the only university that offers, MA in Peace and Conflict Studies.
8. I want my sister to be married first before me.
9. I want to travel overseas with my whole family, all 8 of us. Papa, ate, mark, martie, gelo, lara, larisse, and me.
10. I love dressing up.
11. When I drink too much alcohol, I can't speak in Tagalog because my tongue gets numb. SO i speak in English, with a British accent.
12. I stopped in college for one whole school year because I was suffering from four ailments: asthma - which is the only thing that has not recurred; ulcer - which comes back from time to time; scoliosis, and migraine - the one killing me right now.
13. I cry when I watch anything that depicts a child missing their moms, or a mom caring for their children. I miss my mom everyday.
14. Sometimes I want to be a housewife.
15. I want to memorize the world map and the position of countries with their capital cities.
16. When I laugh so hard, I have to start jumping up and down and then roll over in order to breathe.
17. I reallly, really, really love to be called by my name.
18. I like memorizing lines from my favorite movies.
19. My favorites movies are Pride and Prejudice, Transformers, Lord of the Rings (all three of them), Longest Yard, White Chicks, A Very Special Love, and I watch them over and over again.
20. I can't sleep more than 10 hours a day (as if I have the luxury) because doing so will trigger my migraine.
21. I love our WYD Team in Sydney.
22. I am soooo talkative. And sometimes I hate this thing about me. I can't just seem to shut up. When I do, I feel like I am a completely different person.
23. I suck at grammar and I am not very good at writing.
24. I love to sing. I told my mom before, I would die if I can't sing.
25. I want to swim. As in do laps. I also want to run. I just had my first race last 24 January at the Fort. I finished #255 in a 5km race from among 355++ participants.
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