Whatever you want me to do Lord

Whatever you want me to do Lord,

....let me always do it with a grateful heart;
....let there be always a smile on my face;
....let it always be done out of a growing love for you;
....may I always do it for your greater glory;
....may I continuously be in awe of your amazing greatness;
....may it always show my humble but ever growing in faith in you;

And when I can't hear you well enough, help me to be still because I can't last long enough without hearing you.

Make me still and discover you my God.  - 18 Nov 2013

Wisdom in silence

I want to enjoy this moment. I want to learn how to appreciate moments when everything is slow or boring. I believe that there is a hidden wisdom, an unknown beauty to this space in time, something which I have never fully understood or been comfortable with.

For me, every moment needs to be spent moving, doing. To do nothing is such a waste of time. But today, I choose to grow in it. I am choosing to discover what other peaceful and wiser souls have found as they spent their    time doing nothing. Or maybe speaking finally the world's language. Or partaking in the nature's conversation, listening to their timeless stories.

Today I choose to enrich myself with the world's wisdom in silence. 

Beautiful not perfect

I have been planning to live my life. I have some areas planned out and some parts I still need to figure out. I have this grand vision of how it should be and it's really beautiful. That's the plan, make it perfect, clean it out. It's not however unfolding as planned. It's far from that actually.

Don't get me wrong. Not everything is a failure, I think I got 40% going well for me. I'm now living in Sydney, I've pictured this in my mind for the last 5 years and I've finally come to this amazing place. I have a good job with the largest global bank in the world, I am able to support part of my family's needs. I am with an amazing support group here in Sydney and I believe I am blessed with a beautiful faith, it's not perfect but it is a work in progress.

So where is the other 60% of my perfect life? I thought before if I find my partner everything's going to be perfect. And so I waited. And waited. And then, I got tired of waiting and I forgot about it. And then people around me started looking for that last piece in my life that will make me my life perfect. I agreed with them so I started looking for it. I could never find it. All I ended up with were heartbreaks and heartaches, there were lots of them. And when I couldn't  find it, I decided my life is not going to be perfect anymore. And then I felt bad about what I have.

Living here in Sydney made me realize just how many things I'm allowing to pass me by without seeing the value they add to my life. Maybe I'm not suppose to look or anticipate or expect because my story is different. I have been sad for quite some time because I'm expecting the same life/love story like the ones I see on tv or in the movies. I've been holding off on my life because I've waiting for the main character in my life. I must have missed somewhere that its me.

I've never quite done things on my own apart from the required one like applying for a job or going to an interview or under going  a physical examination. I went to a retreat because I was desperate and a friend of mine pushed me to it, not because it was a wholehearted, conscious decision. I've never gone on an adventure of my own because I keep on waiting for the perfect moment, for the perfect time. And I'm tired now of waiting for perfection to come.

So I started to live my life with what I have. With what I can do, not with what I wish I had and not with the plans I have in mind. Today I went to watch a movie on my own and it was really good. The movie was great (not film critic great but just the right greatness that made me laugh) and I find myself smiling not because Channing was good looking in that movie but because it made me feel good about myself - for just having the experience alone.

I don't know if it's the first time or after a very long time but today it felt like i stepped out of my story book and started writing my story with my feet as I walked towards my little adventure. It felt good. And I feel like I'm going to be writing that story of mine from my little journeys, with me having the lead role.

Maybe it don't want a perfect story after all. Maybe I just want a beautiful one.

David Bonifacio: O Woman of Beautiful Values

David Bonifacio: O Woman of Beautiful Values: This was supposed to be my piece in a publication but I think it's turned out for the best that I'm publishing it here. I think Vale...