A letter to my frazzled self

Dear frazzled self, 

How good is it to stand by yourself? I would like to give you a big, warm hug and congratulate you for consciously making a decision to hold your ground when impulse pushes you to blame yourself for not having known better. There seems to be a lot changing in you and they all look like good, positive changes, a result of your own struggles at improving yourself. 

The advice of the last person who you thought was a bane to your existence resonated today. Believe in yourself. She may not have shown or said it in ways reflective of her trust in your abilities but that statement speaks a lot about how your insecurity overpowered your performance most of the time. Now is the time to turn things around for your good and for the better. 

Be kind to yourself Gailey. You are your own ally and you always forget that (actually, you may have realised it just now). Be your own best friend. Don't wait for others to cheer you up; cheer yourself up. Help yourself as well as you help others. I can sense that excitement within you for the all great things that could happen and I hope that you cultivate that more than any old habits. 

It's good to hold on to little bits of reminders telling you to dream and speak of your future as if it is the most definite thing in the world; as if it is the most obvious occurrence to take place. We can never be sure of what will happen tomorrow but it doesn't mean we have to live in fear of its uncertainty. 

It's good to see how you can reflect bravely on the events of these past days. I'm proud of you. You have come a long way. There are still bouts of your old, scared, paranoid self that fights its way amidst the chaos of emotions you already have but I am glad to see that you are not scared anymore. You can calmly look at it and it doesn't have as much power over you. 

I hope someday, you are not as frazzled when I talk to you again. 

Love, 
Your calm alter-ego

Letter to my struggling self

Dear struggling self, 

I am amazed at the resilience you are showing despite the turmoil within, or should I say, composure. You are not alien to this situation, in fact, you have been here more times than I think you can handle, which is in itself a feat of impressive count. I would have wished that you are luckier in love though; that would have made your life less imperfect. 

You are here again, nevertheless and we both have to face it. Although you know this already, you are managing really well. You know that you need to hear this, even from yourself; most especially from yourself. You are now outstandingly good at keeping more than a straight face to people, even to the one who is causing you this terrible, terrible heartache. 

My hope is that you find someone who you can cry to who wouldn't ask why you are crying and will be content in asking if you have let out everything you needed to at that time; that would be divine. 

Until then, I hope you find the courage to cry on your own as normally and courageously as you would. 

Love, 
Gail