Why not him?

Im afraid I'm starting to feel
What I said I wouldnt do
The last time really hurt me
Im's scared to fall in love
Afraid to love so fast

But everytime I fall in love
It seems to never last
But everytime your love is near
And everytime Im filled with fear
Coz everytime I see your face
My heart does begin to race everytime

So why not him? They asked. I was mum for like 5 seconds. My mind searched for an answer but I seem to be getting none. Later on, another friend asked me the same question, why not him? I had the time to sufficiently think about this and it occured to me that the question becomes irrelevant when directed to me. It's a question that should be rightfully thrown at him. I would like to think that I am a modern - yet traditional kind of woman. I definitely agree that women should be given certain equal rights, but when it comes to a relationship, I have been raised to believe that courtship must be initiated by men.

Why not him? Was the resounding question of the day. I have had a number of questions these past few days, none of which had any satisfying answer. And if one has an answer, it's something that comes along with so much pain. "Why not him?" amuses me a lot because it was asked with eager curiosity and unconcealable seriousness. It was as if I carry the decision in me to choose him instead of the other.

I just thought of a better answer today. And that is, it's not for me to decide.