After Denial

you are my sweetest downfall, i loved you first, i loved you first beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth
I have to go, i have to go..

So after denial, after facing the truth about me, I now have to face the painful reality that its half heartache and half bliss. I have never written for quite sometime about this and I find it amusing, ridiculous, and one and half stupid. As a defense mechanism, I try to rationalize and deny but then again I have accepted the fact that there is no more denying, no more pretensions only lies.

The age old wonder that haunts humanity now comes knocking at my door. It never fails to get you off-guard. I never asked for this. I am filled with thoughts of how I want to embrace it but not this way. Definitely not this way.

But it did make me realize how unprepared I am. To think that I've been through a lot. I never thought that in this part of my life, I am most unprepared. I don't think I have the skill at all. I have ideals, I have my should-would-could, but then again, as they say, theories are never enough.

Where do I begin? How do I go about this? All challenges are tough, some lasts longer than the other, others leave a mark, this one is intense. It inspires my thoughts yet smears my ideals. I have been for the most part at ease and at peace, now I am bothered. I tried to get rid of it but its just so damn hard. How do you get rid of something which you never invited in the first place?