i must have created this blog on a bad and unlucky day. i noticed most of my entries here have been rantings, moments of depression, envy, longing - or so, as far as i can remember. here i am for the second entry of the year.Goodness!i have one in janvier and another one in fevrier. So much for an online journal.
Depression and boredom is here again. I feel im dragging myself again to office. And when i'm in the office, i usually stare at my computer thinking of the oh-so-many things that i need to accomplish. There actually are a couple that needs my focus. Most taxing of which is the research report i need to deliver at least by the end of fevrier. it is a long overdue "paper" that has been assigned to me, but because of the "multi-tasking" nature of my job, i have successfully kept it under the piles of paper that keep on accumulating every day because of new additions to my responsibilities.
One good thing that happened to me the past two days: I was assigned to another business council. Not that i welcome it with open arms but because it would be a good venue to practice and force myself to learn francaise. I unfortunately, stopped my french lessons because of some concerns that cannot be set aside. Hopefully i can enrol the next round which is in april. for now i have to converse with philip so that i dont forget the precious french lines i learned in class.
office hours is about to end again. i haven't done much.and i am not proud of it. I feel i have been useless and too depressed to do something productive and worthy to be proud of. Good thing, mike is here to provide capsules of spiritual medicine which i could really use. Dont get me wrong because i know i am not the most destitute in the world but sometimes i think that thinking I am not worse off than most who have nothing with them is not really the right way of getting myself out of this rabbit hole i accidentally, or not, fell into. I probably am concentrating on myself too much.
i just learned that trina was off to norway for two grand weeks!what a life. we'll i believe she really deserves it. She's one of the most brilliant person i know. Thank God I have somebody like her who i can look up to.
I wish i would stop wishing and hoping and really do something about my situation. The thing is i dont even know what is my situation. i am constantly looking for something but i can't seem to find it. And it gets worse because i have become hypochondriac since the year started. i've been so paranoid lately that i'd end up with the same fate as my mother. I don't want to die screaming myself to death because of cancer. I'd have to un-learn this habit because i know sooner or later, i will die of thinking of things that haven't happened yet.
So help me God.
p.s. wow!writing my thoughts here is soooo liberating. i felt good and light..i should do this again.
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