Keep moving

People say I am admirable; that I am tough, I am a strong woman. These words ring in my ear in times when I reminisce about better days or when I try to reach for something to inspire me. I borrow what other people think who I am and then proceed from there. There are a lot of times that I don’t feel any of those. I feel like I am scared, always have been scared, I feel very timid, lost at times. The times when I pull myself together are the times when I remember faking it. These people, even the ones I am close with don’t seem to know much about me. I don’t know who does. Sometimes I forget who I am as I get lost in my thoughts and conception of who I am and who I am trying to be. 

I want to be strong. I want be brave. I want to be determined. I want to succeed. I want to conquer my fears. I realised that the more important things in life are not the moments we we are basking in the glory of our successes and victories, or wallowing in the depths of our sorrow, misery or depression. I realised that no matter how outstanding, how great, and how momentous an achievement is, it is fleeting. It will soon fade and people and maybe I will forget when my I reach my physical boundaries. I suppose the more important thing to be good at is to move on, to keep moving on; to know how to work back on my feet after a celebrating a success or to keep on pushing and looking for better ways to achieve a goal after experiencing defeat. 

I have always dreamed big. I thought for a time that I was going to be a princess. I don’t know how but I felt it, I felt very sure about it, as sure as I can breathe air. I have always wanted to work in a multicultural environment - this i can say I am living right now, and I am still over the moon thinking about where I am. I have always wanted to travel the world, to be a flag-bearer of the Philippines in something glorious - be a national treasure, just like Patricia. I can feel it still, there is that strong nagging feeling of greatness trapped inside;Of greatness wanting to become;  of adventure wanting to be lived.

I feel like I am at the threshold of something great - for me, for my family, for my loved ones, my love life, my career. I am excited. I am excited to live. 

The direction is not the goal; it is how you live your life while taking that direction that should be. How fulfilled, how happy, how determined we are while traveling in our chosen directions that makes life worth living.