I'm going crazy now. Or maybe it's just the impending headache waiting to reveal itself. I've run the scenes in my mind over and over again until I got tired. Events in my future; situations that might just happen if I think about them hard enough. I'm tired. Really tired. And still I'm not sure whether its because of thinking too much or because my resolve to stay is diminishing.
It is getting more and more ardous everyday to keep a brave front. But its becoming easier to write about the experience. There is a free-flow of thoughts on my mind whenever I feel something intense - but it has been more effective if I am in a state of despair or grief or panic or depression.
On another note, but not entirely deviating from the point I have raised, I feel like I'm scarred. Seriously scarred no matter how I try to not think about it. I know I am over it. But the thought of going through the same experience, or probably a different one but with the same kind of grief, is something I am scared to even think about. Of course, I have not ruled out the fact that I was the one who brought it upon myself. It is scary because if I am able to cause such pain to myself how much more can others do to me. And I was even thinking then.
Right now, I wish I have never loved. I don't want to feel this anymore. If only to ease a bit the stabbing pain in my heart. I'm going crazy now.
Its a thief in the night
To come and grab
It can creep up inside you
And consume
A disease of the mind
It can control
Its too close for comfort
Disturbia
Looks like the darkness is the light
Disturbia
Am I scaring you tonight
...Release me from this curse Im in
I'm trying to remain tame
But i'm struggling
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