I guess I have been forewarned. They told me that they will pop the question and I have bravely, almost smug, agreed to answer their questions as honestly as I can, even in the presence of others. And this honesty, entails spilling the truth about the experience even to others who might not have to even know.
Are you prepared?, they asked. I don't know, I answered. Thinking about it now, I should have said that nobody will ever be. No matter how experienced you are in any field, we can never be fully prepared for what might come, especially when there is no knowing for certain what to expect. I am reminded of this short excerpt from a newspaper I read:
For we are all like swimmers in the sea
Poised on the top of a huge wave of fate
Which hangs uncertain to which side to fall
And whether it will heave us up to land
Or whether it will roll us out to sea
Far out to see in the deep waves of fate
We know not, and no search will make us know
Only the event will teach us in its hour
-Matthew Arnold in Sohrab and Rustum
I have been anticipating, probably way too much. And there are times when I just simply want to forget that I feel, just like how I wanted to get rid of that excruciating feeling. But how can I if it heightens the feeling of living? I feel good about life. I feel positive today.
If I can only forget about it even just for a day. To go living in a day without any thought of it.
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