The heart is cunning. It commands strongly and most of the time insanely. It is relentless. For someone like me who is ruled by emotions, it is a constant struggle to be sane, to live within reason. People don’t see the agony I go through because I act normal, I try to, all the time. Some get a glimpse, and others maybe understand that I love, love, love life; and that love rules me. I feel so much emotion and passion towards my advocacies, my passion, my gifts, my life, the life of others that touch my heart. Love, loving is excruciating but it is fulfilling. It is exhilarating. It makes me feel alive.
So what happens when my heart gets broken? It feels like dying a little and living a little. It is beautiful and yet painful at the same time. It is almost like grasping for air, as if I am drowning, yet I am breathing above water. I used to want to run away - as fast and as far as I can, until my lungs give out, until I throw up for lack of breath, until my legs give in, until my head pounds and until my sweat meets with my tears.
Every heartache and heartbreak brings a familiar and new lesson at the same time. I must be learning little from my past experiences because I seem to repeat the same thing over again; or maybe I’m just a slow learner; or maybe it is a beautifully woven story with its unexpected twists and turns, never destined to end with a heartbreak. I am a feel-good movie; I am the funny story in a romantic comedy; I am the heartwarming scene in an amazingly written love story.
This is my story; story of love unrequited, or love that just isn’t right at the moment.
My heart is cunning. It is relentlessly in-love. It aches for love and for love it lives for. And with it, I am alive.
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