When, how and why

Brilliant ideas are often wasted because of the wrong timing in execution. Some problems become as such when they occur at a specific moment in our lives. Two or more tolerable state of affairs happening at the same time may spell the difference between a crisis and an accomplishment. An experience may be bearable if it is the only concern for the moment and it is ideal that only after it has been resolved, will another one take place. It would have been nice and less daunting if events happen one after another, not both at the same time. But they don’t.

Crisis are called crisis because they are never simple. They are greatly defined by the timely, or in most cases, untimely piling of one dilemma over another – which in any other case, had they occur separately would not escalate into crisis proportions. And so looking at my situation now, I sometimes resort to this method of analysis just so I could psych myself to believing that my experiences are really simple and manageable dilemmas that just had to occur all at the wrong time, which under another circumstance, would negligibly be controllable. The thing is, they did not transpire at different points. They conveniently chose to take place at a point when life would shift its gear and command a tumultuous and messy transition to a higher state of consciousness, or so we think. We end up catching our breath to make sense of the swing and find that things we used to conveniently rely on have lost its firm footing and has abandoned their responsibility to carry us through our journey. We are left to rely on our own unrealized potentials, leaving us only with academic wealth that is yet to be immersed in reality.

My voice is caught in the turbulent cycle of thoughts in my head. I could not make sense of where I am and how I have reached this point. Neither is the future comforting. There is only smoke, haze and uncertainty. A friend said that its better this way than to go on and live life without asking and wondering where one is going. This state indicates one’s effort to put his/her life on track. Its better this way than not care at all.

The next question is, for how long will this last? When will this end? It is not comforting to know that there is an end to this because the end might come at the twilight of one’s life. Is the end of this borne out of one’s own effort to break-free from the state of uncertainty or will it be destiny’s last word? I am not losing hope and faith. Optimism may not be my greatest virtue, but I intend to make one my virtues nonetheless. My future might be hazy but it is lying against the light.