I love surprises; good surprises, that is. One that would make your heart leap out of your rib cage and bring your stomach up to your chest, so shocked with what has happened but is also energized, as if somebody has breathed life unto you. Maybe that’s what we all need every once in a while. A good, dreamy surprise.
I did not expect mine to come in such a bizarre package. It was a welcome surprise and quite beyond my normal radar. To think that I am constantly in the look-out for these types of surprises. He did not fit in my qualifications; or so I thought. Until that fateful day when a conversation was struck and then the wheels started turning. It was fresh as the morning sun; no pressures, no awkwardness, just spontaneous curiosity fed by willingness to respond and to know. One question led to another and then the conversation turned to daily greetings, to nightly exchange of thoughts, to a sojourn in a dream.
Yes, it must be a dream I refused to wake up from but cannot anymore go back to.
How can it not be dream? I saw his face changed and soften at the sight of me. And how his voice mellows every time we talk. He looks at me and laughs at nothing and yet I laugh at it too. There was tenderness in his moves, unlike the way I see him at work. He spoke of his past with the tone of a man who has changed because of it. When he sat beside me, he closed his eyes with the comfort of a child and when he laid his head on the back of my hand, as if he was ready to slumber.
Then morning after came, I didn’t know it was all over; that I was awake. I thought to myself this is not my reality; this is unfair.
I had him in my dreams. He was with me. Was.
The conversation stopped. No more exchange of thoughts. Only what ifs, only questions.
Did I make it that easy for him to walk in and out of my life?*
(Line from a song, Almost Lover by Fine Frenzy)
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